I am not alone

So a few weeks ago I was going into the store and as I was getting out of my van I overheard two men talking. One asked the other how he was and he replied " I am alone now, I lost my wife last year". I wanted so much to go up to this man and tell him " I am also alone" but being they continued to talk more I just turned away and walked into the store. Today I went to the cemetary by myself since it was a nice sunny day ( almost forgot what those are like) since I had not been out for awhile due to the cold weather. I noticed a car parked in the area when I arrived and a young woman with a small child so I stayed for a few minutes at Ian's grave then headed back to my van . As I was about to leave the lady(probably in her mid - twenties) approached my window and asked me if I had been visiting my husband's grave. I told her yes with tears rolling down my face and she said something just told her to come ask me because she was also there visiting her husbands grave. Her husband was shot and died in Dec. He was 25yrs old. I then told her what happened to Ian and how hard it has been dealing with his passing. I don't think it was a coincidence we both happened to be at the cemetary at the same time today. The lord knew we needed to meet each other and share in each others sorrow. Once again the lord is telling me "I am not alone". The lady asked me if it was okay to meet sometime as she had so much more in her heart to share so I got her phone number and agreed to call her. I know an angel was sent to me today to help me continue in my journey that has been extremely difficult . Thank you heavenly father and Ian.

It's been awhile.

I have left the blog world for about a year now. Let's see, where do I start. Work kept me busy and I didn't have time to blog, my health decided to collaspe and I have been having ongoing health problems which has caused alot of anxiety & stress, the economy impacted our business so Ian starting working full time for Dolly Madison then lost his job along with our health benefits , then the unexpected loss of Ian on Aug 8th. I was not even home when this happened. Instead I was in the ER in Topeka that day having a cat scan done of my stomach and was told I had irritable bowel syndrome( which then resulted in a colonoscopy) and stress is a major thing which can flare it up so it was just one more thing to add to my list of health problems. An autopsy had to be done since Ian was alone at the house when it happened so it was called an unattended death and here we are four months later still waiting on the official report. From what the funeral home is telling me Ian passed away from an enlarged heart a condition we did not know he had. He had a physical in April and was put on high cholester0l medication but everything else checked out fine. I am going through different stages of emotions. Somedays I feel angry, overwhelmed, depressed, and wondering what trial or should I say tragedy is going to hit me and my family next. It seemed everything completly fell apart once Paul left on his mission two yrs ago. I was looking forward to those blessings we were told we would receive and it turned out the opposite for us. Now the holidays are here and it is a struggle to get excited about it. I think of Ian everyday and although people comment how strong I am(which I am not) if they only walked in my shoes for one day they would feel the emotional pain I deal with each day. My neighbor, Mrs. Brooks, is a widow and she often shares with me the pain & sorrow she still carrys in her heart when her husband passed away two yrs ago. They were married for over fifty yrs and tears swell up in her eyes when she talks to me about how much she misses Charlie (her husband). Although Ian and I were blessed with 22yrs of marriage it all seems like a flash now and I often cry thinking about the things I wish I could of told him before he left us , but Ian knows what I would of said. I know Ian is on the other side of the veil reunited with his dad & brother but why the lord took him from his wife, daughter and son is something I probably will struggle with for a very long time. Paul had only 3 months left on his mission when Ian passed away. He made the choice to not return for his dad's funeral because he knew Ian would of wanted him to finish out his mission. Ian strongly believed you finish what you start. Our reunion with Paul was very emotional then we had him baptize Lena the next day . Although Lena turned eight in February Ian's decision was that we would wait till Paul came home so he could perform the ordiance . It has been a blessing to have Paul back home and he assures me the lord will not give us more than we can bear and is aware of the blessings our family needs especially my health . Paul is like a spiritual giant and often tells me Ian can and will do even more for us now that he is on the other side. I am praying in time the pain will become more bearable , but for now I just take each day as it comes. I am very blessed with my church family and friends who have come to my rescue on some very sad days and of course my family who pray for me daily and do all they can to uplift me. Ian, we love and miss you.

The weather outside is frightful but the day has been delightful

When I got up this morning the temperature was a balmy 50 degrees. Within about thirty minutes the sky darkened and the temperature had dropped about 2o or more degrees. Our pug was not interested in doing her morning pottys so chose to hold it till we got back from church. I told myself that I would not go back outside once we came back from church, I am so grateful for a small warm house on days like this. Anyhow, during church I was approached by my visiting teaching companion about going out visiting teaching this afternoon so I agreed. By the time we got out of church it was brutually cold and all I could think about was going to my warm home. We did make it out to our visit and I was so glad that I made the choice to leave the comforts of a warm house and do something that helped me keep the sabbath day holy. Lena went with us because she wanted to learn about visiting teaching and she even got some candy out of it! Tomorrow is the start of another busy week for me. I have been working almost full time since last month which is why I haven't posted a blog for awhile. Lena has been asking me to blog something but I have just been so tired when I come home from working with children all day. So Lena, thank you for helping me to remember to take the time to blog. Next week we are off to San Antonio for the holidays! I am so excited and look forward to spending time with my sisters & their families and we all get to talk to Paul on Christmas day! The mission says the calls are "supposed to be limited to 45 minutes". Sounds like a nice plan but we will probably exceed that a little or alot. I probably will no blog again till we return. I have a full plate this week with enrichment, feeding the missionaries , christmas shopping and going up to Topeka next weekend to have a early christmas with my parents and relatives. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year .

Student of the Week

Okay, I have to boast here about my smartie second grader. Lena earned student of the week in her class a few weeks ago. We are so proud of Lena and how hard she works in school to do her very best. I always tell her when she does good things she will be rewarded. Now this accomplishment is indeed a honor. She got her picture taken naming her student of the week and it was displayed right outside her classroom on the bulletin board. Wow! And her teacher sent home a happy note letting us know what a great job Lena is doing in class and how proud she is of her work. Great job Lena. We love you!!

Primary Program

Today was the primary program at church and it was great. My eyes were filled with tears throughout most of it. It touched my heart to see all the children coming into the chapel one at a time holding up a picture they had drawn with their name on it. I appreciated Chanda Starr's remarks about how each of us are a child of god. I am so grateful for our primary leaders & teachers and the time & effort they put in to planning this program and teaching my daughter the gospel . Lena is always so excited to share with us what she learns in primary . I wish she could stay in there forever! Thanks primary for all that you do.

Camp Wood

Last weekend Lena and I attended the girl scout mother -daughter campout at camp wood. The camp is about 30 miles west of emporia and in the heart of the flint hills!! We arrived about sunset and it was just beautiful to see the sun setting on the hills. It was the first time I had ever been in the flint hills in the 14yrs I have lived in emporia. I would recommend anyone who has never been there to check it out and take in its beauty. Anyway, we slept in a cabin with 2 other moms and three girls. Now, I am not much of a camper but the accommodations were better than I'd imagined. We slept on bunk beds with a very thin foam mattress and were within a short walking distance to the restrooms. The bathrooms were clean and I even got to take a hot shower the next morning! Lena thought sleeping in a cabin was so cool and she enjoyed jumping on the bunkbeds. She has so much energy even after a full day of school! The best part for me was just taking time to do something with her and creating a memory I know she will always remember. She is growing up quickly and it is so important I spend quality time with her before she hits the stage of how it is not cool to be hanging out with mom! I love her so much and are grateful for the happiness she has brought to our family. Chanda if you read this tell Ariel that Lena loves her blog. She was reading it last night and right away asked me if she can start a blog. I said no, but you can enjoy reading Ariel's! You are doing a great job raising Ariel with good standards/values and it reflects in her blog. Well better get going on doing some housework. I have been working alot so have not had much time to blog. Today I only had to work in the morning so I am going to try and catch up on some things and also make some homemade apple cobbler which I just love this time of the year. Have a great afternoon everyone. Sorry I still do not have any pictures to post. It is on my list of things to learn to do.

Being Prepared

I am sure most people heard about Hurrican Ike and it's wide path of destruction. It really hits home about the importance of being prepared especially when it affects us personally or someone we know. My sister lives in Houston and she is now enduring day six of no electricity. In a city this large (about 3-4 million people) there is no guarantee when the power will be restored or when they do not have to continue boiling their water due to contamination problems. To add more stress to the situation, she works for a dentist in Clear Lake , an area which suffered significant damage, and it appears the dentist office was destroyed. I think to say she is enduring is probably putting it mildly. I am so grateful the church always stresses the importance of being prepared with adequate food storage and preparing ourselves spiritually and financially. I have had to learn some hard lessons from this. We were not prepared for the hard winter that prevented Ian from working concrete for many months and then Lena's health problems. Although everything worked out alright , I try to keep reminding myself to be prepared! I do know if we are prepared it can help ease some of the stress that all of us have to endure during our trials.