It's been awhile.

I have left the blog world for about a year now. Let's see, where do I start. Work kept me busy and I didn't have time to blog, my health decided to collaspe and I have been having ongoing health problems which has caused alot of anxiety & stress, the economy impacted our business so Ian starting working full time for Dolly Madison then lost his job along with our health benefits , then the unexpected loss of Ian on Aug 8th. I was not even home when this happened. Instead I was in the ER in Topeka that day having a cat scan done of my stomach and was told I had irritable bowel syndrome( which then resulted in a colonoscopy) and stress is a major thing which can flare it up so it was just one more thing to add to my list of health problems. An autopsy had to be done since Ian was alone at the house when it happened so it was called an unattended death and here we are four months later still waiting on the official report. From what the funeral home is telling me Ian passed away from an enlarged heart a condition we did not know he had. He had a physical in April and was put on high cholester0l medication but everything else checked out fine. I am going through different stages of emotions. Somedays I feel angry, overwhelmed, depressed, and wondering what trial or should I say tragedy is going to hit me and my family next. It seemed everything completly fell apart once Paul left on his mission two yrs ago. I was looking forward to those blessings we were told we would receive and it turned out the opposite for us. Now the holidays are here and it is a struggle to get excited about it. I think of Ian everyday and although people comment how strong I am(which I am not) if they only walked in my shoes for one day they would feel the emotional pain I deal with each day. My neighbor, Mrs. Brooks, is a widow and she often shares with me the pain & sorrow she still carrys in her heart when her husband passed away two yrs ago. They were married for over fifty yrs and tears swell up in her eyes when she talks to me about how much she misses Charlie (her husband). Although Ian and I were blessed with 22yrs of marriage it all seems like a flash now and I often cry thinking about the things I wish I could of told him before he left us , but Ian knows what I would of said. I know Ian is on the other side of the veil reunited with his dad & brother but why the lord took him from his wife, daughter and son is something I probably will struggle with for a very long time. Paul had only 3 months left on his mission when Ian passed away. He made the choice to not return for his dad's funeral because he knew Ian would of wanted him to finish out his mission. Ian strongly believed you finish what you start. Our reunion with Paul was very emotional then we had him baptize Lena the next day . Although Lena turned eight in February Ian's decision was that we would wait till Paul came home so he could perform the ordiance . It has been a blessing to have Paul back home and he assures me the lord will not give us more than we can bear and is aware of the blessings our family needs especially my health . Paul is like a spiritual giant and often tells me Ian can and will do even more for us now that he is on the other side. I am praying in time the pain will become more bearable , but for now I just take each day as it comes. I am very blessed with my church family and friends who have come to my rescue on some very sad days and of course my family who pray for me daily and do all they can to uplift me. Ian, we love and miss you.